Okay, I'm moving to Oahu on Sunday morning. For the most part, this is good. It's just really effing sudden--but after The Talk just a few hours ago, I'm pretty sure 'sudden' is good, because I don't feel like lingering in this house very long.

I'll miss my friends too damn much. It's been six years and now that I've got the best friends imaginable in my eyes, I'm leaving. In retrospect, I never spent as much time with them as I could have. I'm afraid of a repeat of middle school when I move--those people sucked. I'm afraid of not making friends--but more for 'fitting in' reasons than for loneliness reasons--like it's taboo to occupy yourself just fine all by your onesies.

Tough shit--this is what's best, I guess. No stupid complications with dorms, no more Citgo, and maybe I really DO need time by myself for a sort of moratorium.

I have a lot of trips to make this week, seeing everybody. Hell.

So...

Barb just came to talk to me, and they've decided that since I'm changing my major, it really doesn't make sense to live in their house anymore.

The sad thing is they're right. The worst thing is that my living there is no longer a favor from them to me because with Nursing, I had already begun and that was my reason for staying behind, to finish a degree. Now I'm just a freeloader.

Just like the boys this Christmas.

I feel so fucking rotten. Here I am still mad about how they acted during the vacation the past to weeks, and I'm not even considering how I'm returning to a household where they give me free everything. Where I'm an emotional burden.

Mom won't answer her phone. As soon as I can get ahold of her, I have to tell her I've decided: I'm cancelling my enrollment and moving overseas. I just don't give a shit anymore. I'm sick of half-trying to make this work. Plus, I'm a hypocrite. I hate, hate, hate that I even took them up on their offer. Now they'll always view me in this way.

I was actually happy throughout my entire shift tonight, which is not commonplace. Gave cute kids candy, but was dismayed to see (and hear from others) that most of the trick-or-treaters this year are high school seniors. Umm...I know there's no policy or anything, but if you're old enough to drive yourself around to trick-or-treat, you're probably a bit old for the whole thing.

Two guys got pulled over in our parking lot for erratic driving and then before we knew it, Dearworth and like 3 other cop cars are there, too, and the two guys get taken in for marijuana influence/possession. That was pretty fun, and I was such a little busybody staring out the drive-thru.

Professionalism ended really early and I had two hours to either study or waste my time elsewhere, so I chose the latter--I went with Lauren to her Illinois History class and got to watch a 1917 East STL race riot documentary--and Dr. Kerr is her professor, which was really cool because he was my World Geography teacher from high school and he remembered me. >D

So we went to lunch in the UC and Caitlyn walked right past me with Melissa, which was a moment of pause for me. I think (err, hope) she just didn't see me, and actually it's probably better for everyone because it saved me from an awkward moment or ten. I swear I don't remember saying much about Melissa at all, I really have always felt pretty neutral regardless of what anyone thinks, and yet I've recently found that she hates me, and the only reason I've been thrown is that she thinks I'm competition. This is the freaking story of my 'love life'--or LACK thereof. I've never touched Alex. I talk to him. From the opposite side of the table. I am not, nor have never been anyone's competition (and at the rate I'm going, will probably won't be for a long time). Or maybe the fact is Melissa just assumed I didn't like her because I'm always at the table with Angel, who makes it no secret that she despises the girl. Either way, I can't help but be a little incensed--I may not have made much of an effort, but neither did she. I was always just decoration--in short, she treated me like a certain -other- "Karen the Douche" treated me this time last year. So what else can I do but just sit there?

Anyway, the drama still reigned over the table, because of that Clinton guy. Umm...okay, last week was my first meeting with him, and the conversation included a nod to my lack of a dating life, in which I said I'd never had what I'd call a 'real' boyfriend, to which he went, "Oh. Well, I feel sorry for you." Which is followed by Phil defending my stance (which is also his stance, so I really don't see it as my knight to the rescue or anything), and basically this guy made himself out to be kind of a douchebag. He furthered his title of douchebag today by making a few more little sexist comments (which he may or may not have really meant, because he apparently thinks he is Carlos Mencia and can get away with this while being hilarious) and Lauren lay the smack down. It was fun. I really think he's just got problems fitting in with people, mostly because of the way he talks, and he's a little sheltered, I guess. But I really don't look forward to seeing him around in the future.

So then I worked for 7 hours and am home. I missed House, which is sad. And I want to skip Terminology class tomorrow because it's useless and I've already written my paper. Buh.

So Citgo was supposed to give me this last weekend off, which I asked for a month in advance, and which they took away from me when we were shorthanded two weeks previously, and my boss's solution was to give me the Sunday off, but then make me work Halloween and November 1st. This is no huge deal except that I think I'd benefit more from studying for my two exams this week, and my weekend wasn't compromised or anything, but damn it--I never ask off -because- I only work two to three days a week to begin with, I'm a senior employee and pretty reliable, yet they can't give my one weekend off while there are like three other coworkers of mine clamoring for more hours. The system sucks.

Anyway, the weekend happened to be the most enjoyable of the semester. Saw III opened Friday night and I went with Caitlyn to the O'Fallon 15 since we couldn't have made it in time for the Showplace 12. I never saw the first movie, but liked the second, and this one kicked booty. The World Series game was still going when the movie was over, so the two of us got McDonald's and then proceeded to the MetroLink station because Caitlyn is a bad-ass soon-to-be photo editor of SIUE's Alestle, and she needed pictures of Cards fans either celebrating or lamenting the win/loss. So it turns out to be a win and we get to see fireworks right as we reach the Casino Queen. So we ride the elevator that smells like pee and hang around the MetroLink station for 40 minutes waiting for fans (the first few batches weren't drunk or happy enough to take pictures of, those cretons), and talked up one of the security guards because he was cool--his name was Officer Graves.

Worked Saturday morning and then went to Meagan's Halloween party, and it was even better than last year, possible because I got to stay the night and I knew a lot more people this time. There were 10-15 of us, and there was every kind of candy and goodies imaginable, and I couldn't eat anything the next day because I ate nearly everything in sight at the party. Meagan and Mickey baked alllll day, I couldn't let it go to waste. And I even won Best Costume, but it was only because there was an 'appeal' vote since I think nearly everyone got voted for at least once. I voted the Wolverine guy Best, and I think I voted the bellydancer boy most creative (though in retrospect it should have been Caitlyn, but she won anyway and that's good). I was Samara from The Ring, and I think that's the most I've ever gotten 'in' to a Halloween costume before.

Anyway, Jon and Caitlyn went and retrieved George from Highland, whom I cuddled with on the couch, and we watched An American Haunting and Toolbox Murders which I fell asleep through. I woke up at the end of Poltergeist because Meagan was bitching loudly to Josh about how bad a part of the plot was. By this time it's 5 am and we three and Mickey are the only ones left. Mickey started snoring so Meagan threw stuff at her, including a plastic skull, which Mickey proceeded to cuddle and mumbled that she loved it or something. She couldn't remember any of this when she woke up later. So we put on some other old scary movie and I fell asleep again. A few hours later we are awake and we watched this Halloween cartoon on CN, ate more candy and I eventually went home.

And when I went home I did nothing. It was grand. I worked on the giant geisha cross stitch that's my mom's X-Mas present and watched the glorious House marathon on USA. I felt guilty (and queasy) because of all the candy I inhaled at the party so I walked to town and back, then read a little of my Human Development book and fell asleep.

And I woke up today, read more, went to class, helped briefly at the SOTA Bake Sale (by 'helped' I mean 'sat there and did nothing') and went home, filled out the group eval's for my Professionalism midterm and walked to town and back again. My life is amazing.

I found a bunch of old pictures Trista had done for me over the years (and I need to find the ones Allie's done) and put them up on my wall. I want to cover my entire room in posters and pictures but am lazy. And broke. I miss Trista and Allie. Screw Wisconsin, they should move to STL. And Jeremy and Connor have pics up on Facebook of themselves in drag, which can only signify that their Drag Show is underway. Jer is the emcee this year, and for a leprechaun, the boy looks good in the Frank N Furter getup. >D

I just found out that my free ticket to Hawaii this X-Mas cost the Air Force $1300. That's awesome. Even more awesome is the fact that Jeremy and Sean have somehow stumbled upon an Orbitz miracle and gotten Hawaii tickets (with only one layover in Denver each) for about $400. No matter how the rest of the semester pans out, December is going to kick so much booty.